#blogjune 2013 Day 12: In which I bare my insecurities.

The following may indicate my ignorance but I always say, if you don't ask the question you just remain ignorant...

A while back I did a "self-awareness" course which was about becoming self-aware.  (As you might imagine).

For me, it is an uncomfortable and confronting thing to realise how my behaviour affects others' perception of myself.  One of the things the course looked at was "transactional analysis" and the kinds of states one goes to during interactions.  Based on the observations he made of me during the 3 hour course, the facilitator told me I move into the "free child" state a lot.

"The Natural Child is largely un-self aware and is characterized by the non-speech noises they make (yahoo, whee, etc.). They like playing and are open and vulnerable.
The ... Little Professor is the curious and exploring Child who is always trying out new stuff (often much to their Controlling Parent's annoyance). Together with the Natural Child they make up the Free Child." ~ from Transactional Analysis [my emboldening]

I took from his [the facilitator] attitude that this state is not the one to be in if you want to be a leader or considered a rational adult member of staff.  In my defence, I would like to add that on that particular day I was emotionally vulnerable owing to a number of things happening both at work and home.

The questions I find myself asking are these.  In an environment where we are exhorted to be creative, innovative and disruptive in our approach to librarianship, what is the role of the free child?  What is the role of Adult in this environment?

"the Adult in us is the 'grown up' rational person who talks reasonably and assertively, neither trying to control nor reacting aggressively towards others. The Adult is comfortable with themself and is, for many of us, our 'ideal self'." ~ from Transactional Analysis

Or am I reading too much into this?  Are these things unrelated? Have I taken it out of context?

Yesterday someone tweeted this blog entry:

"The antidote to consumption is play: physically and mentally. We have stripped many of our institutions of play as we became heavier with the burden of information to pass on. It is inevitable. But play is not what happens at ‘recess’ or ‘lunch’. Play is not mindless, in the same way not all information is mindless. Compelling information coupled with playful experimentation, helps us create meaning and improve processes." - Consumption Mentality

 While coming from a different perspective, the part about play not being a mindless activity but rather helping us build meaning and improve processes intrigued me.

There is a part of me that wants to justify allowing the creative side of myself to appear in the work environment - this I freely admit. But I do wonder if I'm shooting myself in the foot to let it do so if I wish to be seen as "professional" and having worthy leadership qualities.

On the other hand, I see a real risk of librarians stagnating into starchy, un-interesting creatures with no flexibility if we do not provide a space for playfulness.  Or perhaps I'm just equating "professional" as boring... certainly the times I've been accused of being "not very professional" is when I have been expressing humour or playfulness.

This is very deep. I am interested in your opinion.

Naturally dyed flowers

Naturally dyed flowers, a photo by pdugmore2001 on Flickr.

In preparation for BioBlitz. All (with the exception of one) dyed with New Zealand lichens of varying kinds.

Railway developments: a guest post from Mr8

[DH has progressed with the basement model railway.  He modified his previous plan for a folding up base on table legs, to one attached to the concrete bricks and ceiling so that the trailer can be stored under the table.  Of course, the project hasn't been totally smooth sailing.  He's had issues with trains coming off the rails, switches not working properly and laying the ballast.  Fortunately, there are plenty of people online who post Youtube videos and to forums about potential solutions and some progress has been made.  The following is Mr8's blog post.]

The track is half-ballasted.  Dad has painted the table.  He has made an upper level.

I am moving the carriages along the track.

This is ballast and rail paint by the switch.



This is ballasted track.

Creativity: nuturing the spark within

Creativity is something I'm interested in.  I like to create in a lot of different ways.  I like to learn about how to encourage creativity and understand it better.  I have written about it before.

There are some who think that creativity is something that is outside themselves; that it comes from a "muse" or other being.  Others are of the opinion that sufficient practice of creative endeavour results in creative products. I'm not sure where I sit in this spectrum.

In her TEDtalk, Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, pray love) speaks of the experience of the creative muse.  She sees it as something outside of self but that a person needs to apply oneself to the creative process in order for it to be of benefit.  Kind of like harnessing the power of a wild element.



Amy Tan (author of the Joy Luck Club and many others ) in her TEDtalk speaks of life experience and how it informs her.  She also asks a lot of questions of her experience and other's experience.



I read somewhere (possibly in this book) that Einstein would deliberately put a pencil in his hand and try to doze off because the period between awake/asleep was when he had his best ideas.  I have noticed this myself.  Moving from awake consciousness to sleeping I pass through a zone where I'm sufficiently relaxed with an open mind that ideas do occur.   Sometimes those ideas startle me awake again and my mind begins to race so fast I find it difficult to go back to sleep.  I really need to keep a notebook or something beside my bed to jot stuff down in so it isn't lost and also so I can relax again!

I do think there are things that dampen creativity. 

Time is the obvious one.  If you don't have space to let the muse occur or to begin to practise with your creative tools (whatever these are) then nothing productive will happen.

For me, pressure to perform can be a creative killer but other times it can be a motivator.

The environment also contributes something.  I need space to do scrapbooking and my desk is small, my space is cluttered.  It's not helpful. If my workplace environment is oppressive, with lots of "passion killing" attitudes floating around then I find it difficult to be creative at work.

How to kick start creativity?

There are a couple of things that can help me. 

If it is scrapbooking I want to do, I find sitting myself down and picking some photos, coordinating cardstock/paper and a sketch from someplace will help me on my way. 

If it is an idea for teaching or something work related I like to have the space and freedom to brainstorm wild ideas however inconceivable they seem at first.  This can be difficult if somebody thinks I'm actually serious about some of the wild ideas and stomps on them.  Visiting other libraries, reading about what other libraries and librarians are doing via conferences or my PLN is also inspirational.

DH recently entered a competition for landscape photography - he got a bronze award for his entry & was 35th in his category.  I'm so proud of him; he inspires me. (Someone has to toot his horn..um, ok that sounds rude *cough*)

Here are some other things I find inspirational. 

What do you think?  Is creativity from within, without, nature vs nurture vs practice? What inspires you?  What kills your inspiration?

Playing with colour

This is cool. Using the Multicolr Search Lab you can create a mosaic of photos from Flickr containing up to 10 colours. I did some Christmas colours.

Mindset

I mentioned in my reading round up post that I wanted to write more about this book:

Mindset: the psychology of success / Carol S Dweck

This writer believes people have a tendency to a particular mindset, and this affects how successful they are.

A person with the Fixed Mindset thinks that:

• Your intelligence/artistic talent/sports ability/business skill is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much.
• You can learn new things but you can’t really change how intelligent etc you are.
• You are a certain kind of person and there is not much that can be done to really change that.
• You can do things differently but the important parts of who you are can’t really be changed.

This person is:

• supersensitive about making mistakes and being wrong
• always trying to prove themselves
• trying to confirm their superiority
• concerned how you will be judged

A person with the Growth Mindset thinks that:

• No matter how much intelligence/artistic talent/sports ability/business skill you have you can always change quite a bit.
• You can always change substantially how intelligent etc you are.
• No matter what kind of person you are, you can always change substantially
• You can always change basic things about the kind of person you are.

This person:

• is concerned with improving
• thinks important qualities can be cultivated
• will confront obstacles and stretch themselves

It is possible for people to have a mix of mindsets for particular areas of their lives.

I found this book interesting on several levels. Firstly, as a teacher/learner I'm always interested in learning about how to be a better teacher/learner. Secondly, as a parent I'd like to be someone who is able to encourage certain traits in my kids, and learn how I can be a better parent. Thirdly, I'd like to understand better the whole artistic/creative thing for myself - how to get the best out of it.

I recognise myself in both mindsets. When it comes to thinking about intelligence and learning, I'm more in the growth mindset point of view. But when it comes to my artistic creative side I tend towards the fixed mindset. When I think about my interest in creative writing I definitely am a fixed mindset person!

Artistic ability - is it a gift? Many people would agree with these statements.

“…some people seem to naturally draw well or poorly.”

“... view drawing as a magical ability that only a select few will possess, and that only a select few will ever possess.”

I found the author's response to these statements interesting. She writes that some of the famous artists e.g. Jackson Pollack early work was hardly inspiring. She says,

“... people don’t understand the components - the learning components - of drawing. Actually… they are not drawing skills at all but seeing skills. They are the ability to perceive edges, spaces. Relationships, lights and shadows and the whole. .. Some people simply pick up these skills in the natural course of their lives, whereas others have to work to learn them and put them together.”

She refers to the book Drawing on the right side of the brain by Betty Edwards. This author has shown that people who take her drawing class will dramatically improve their drawing skills through their learning of how to see. My Dad worked through this book, and I have to say I agree.

Edwards states,

“Just because some people can do something with little or no training, it doesn’t mean that others can’t do it (and sometimes do it even better) with training.”

I was also interested in her chapter on teachers and parents, particularly this section.

Praising children’s intelligence or talent … sends a fixed mindset message. It makes their confidence and motivation more fragile. Instead, try to focus on the processes they used - their strategies, efforts or choices.

I had read somewhere that it is good to praise a child's efforts, and had been attempting to do that but this reaffirmed why I want to continue doing so.

From a teaching standpoint, I found this paragraph food for thought.

Lowering standards doesn’t raise student’s self-esteem. But neither does raising standards without giving students ways of reaching them. The growth mindset gives you a way to set high standards and have students reach them. Try presenting topics in a growth framework and giving students process feedback.

It's so easy to spoon feed our students. Many of them come with so little patience for and knowledge of good, efficient information seeking habits. I'd like to learn how to inculcate a little "growth mindset" into them!

On a personal level, I was interested in the section on relationships. Some of this stuff I've had to learn the hard way. I sure wish I'd known it earlier.

The fixed mindset thinks if you have to work at it, it wasn’t meant to be. A fixed mindset person expects everything good to happen automatically, to magically occur through their love like in a fairy tale. John Gottman [relationship researcher] says, that one of the most destructive beliefs for a relationship is

“If we need to work at it, there’s something seriously wrong with our relationship.”

He says

“Every marriage demands an effort to keep it on the right track; there is a constant tension… between the forces that hold you together and those that can tear you apart.”

A no-effort relationship is a doomed relationship. It takes work to communicate accurately and it takes work to expose and resolve conflicting hopes and beliefs. It doesn’t mean there is no “they lived happily ever after”, but it’s more like “they worked happily ever after.”

The book is US-centric and got annoying in places with the focus on story telling, but there is a chapter about how to change your mindset. I found it thought provoking.

No added colour

No added colour
Originally uploaded by pdugmore2001.

My little cropping group got together finally and I managed to create one single LO in the evening. I'm still not entirely happy with it but am not sure what to do to to make it better.

I have all these ideas but putting them into reality is another matter. My mojo is blocked or something. How to spark my creativity? Part of the problem is time and being able to feel free to sit down and do things. Last week was hopeless because I didn't feel I should disappear into my scrapping lair while the ILs were here.

DH has been playing with his toys he got for his birthday.

He is a fan of the Strobist website and has got some flashes etc to play with. He's been 10 years at his place of work and they gave him some money as a gift which he used to get some other gear too. Here is his effort.

Licorice Allsorts (Copyright 2008 Rod Dugmore)

BTW - Wordpress hates me right now. It tells me I'm posting comments too quickly. Even though it can be a day between each comment! So my lovely WP users - I'm reading but don't be surprised if my comments are sparse.

WIP

Shell has been working her butt posterior off and has inspired me to get started on our bathroom.

We've repainted our shower and toilet, but the bathroom has been waiting because it requires a delicate balance of timing. We need to remove the vanity/sink and redo the floor all in a sequence. And we need a plumber too. But anyway, the new vanity is waiting in the garage, and the new mirror has already been installed. So we've started on the painting - the ceiling is done.

Here it is looking "distressed" after we sanded it all. DH has replaced the window frame now.

It seems like someone in the past decided red skirting boards and door frames were good for bathrooms. Hmmmm.... no accounting for taste. I do like red. Maybe not for bathrooms.


I've taken up drawing again. DH was surprised at my efforts.
DH: Did you do that?
Me: Yes... whaddaya mean?
DH: You didn't trace it or anything?
Me: No *in wounded tone*
DH: That's really good sweetie.
Me: Ta.

The artist and his work

It's taken a while but DS's drawings are finally taking a form that is recognisable.

This is Mummy in her car.

It has wheels, a steering wheel and (I'm told) a boot*.

*Boot = trunk for the hemispheric-challenged folks.

What inspires me?

Mel has a meme going - write down 6 random things that you love. Not people, but places, buildings, art works, inspiring places etc.

1. Children's clothes - I think since I've got kids and make layouts for them, I tend to see inspiration in the designs and colours. Related to this point - fabric stores.
2. Interior decorating stores - particularly the fusion stuff that we're seeing these days. It appeals to me.
3. Fruit, veges, plants, flowers, the beach etc - I like looking at what nature puts together and how.
4. Old houses like Highwic, Alberton and Katherine Mansfield's Birthplace. I like to touch the walls and think of the life people lived there. How people played in the gardens, made love in the bedrooms, conceived their children and maybe even died there. How the kitchens once buzzed with activity. Cooks laying out their ingredients for making jam from the fruit they got from the garden.
5. Universities. I feel most comfortable in academia and get a "buzz" from learning. Related to this point - museums, libraries and their collections. I'm the one who can spend ages looking at beetles pinned on to polystyrene! I love the smell of the stacks in the library. I could spend a happy morning pulling out files at a herbarium to look at their contents.
6. The written word - novels, poetry, my Bible, even blogs have a place inspiring me.

Cybercrop Creations

I had fun the other night at a cybercrop with SBO. We were privileged to have Elsie Flanagan as a surprise visitor - exciting! I did a few of the challenges. It was interesting to attempt them even though I'm not totally satisfied with the results. I find it hard to be creative when there are particular "requirements" for a layout, but I thought it would a useful exercise to get me out of a creative comfort zone. As a result of this crop I don't really think doodling is a style I'm going to do much with but it was interesting to try.

The 30 minute layout was a real challenge because I don't "create" well under pressure and it was the first time I'd done doodling. I was however able to get something done and am quite pleased with the results of this particular challange. No pic because it's on the laptop and I can't be bothered re-photographing it.

The next one was to look for a colour combo around the house and create something inspired by it. I had a few options for this one but picked a mango because I love the colours. I didn't really have any great photos for it though so I'm going to have another go at this colour combo when I have some suitable photos. These were some my mum gave me and she really needed to use a flash or something. Pity they weren't digital and then I could have adjusted it.
I had another doodling attempt on this layout.

There was also a challenge to use something non-scrapbooking related on a layout. I struggled with this one - or rather, I struggled to find something that could be classed as non-scrapbooking! In the end I cut up a plastic mesh vege bag and used it as a background.


The final challenge is due at the end of the week, and is to document a day in your life. I suppose I will have to include doodling again if I want to have a chance to be a winner *sigh*. I have to remind myself that I scrap for myself and my family and not for any prize. But I like to win. Selfish ambition... need to lose it and be contented with what I have.