#blogjune #junequestions What would you tell your 15 year old self?

#blogjune #junequestions What would you tell your 15 year old self?

1. What do you currently do for a living? I'm a library manager.

2. What three words would you use to describe your role? Problem fixer.

3. What is your biggest achievement to date - personal or professional? I find this hard to answer. My life feels like it's a long continuous attempt to improve all aspects of my life. Currently I'm trying to learn te reo so if I can achieve level 3 & 4 I'll be pleased with myself.

   
   

Thinking back to my 15 year old self, I recognise that (like most teens) I was fairly naive, earnest and idealistic. I came from a very safe, sheltered upbringing and was focused on my school results, whether or not I’d find a boyfriend and being ‘right’ according to the standards that I considered important. This poem that was published in the school magazine is pretty indicative.

Some things have changed with maturity and life experience , but others have not. I think I’m more forgiving of myself in the being ‘right’ kind of thing. I’ve become more aware of my own weaknesses, my humanity and so my expectations have adjusted.  So to 15 year old Penny, my advice to you is to chill. Some of the things you’re currently concerned about are not important 30+ years later.

You’ll find a life partner. Stop stressing about that for now and enjoy the time and friends you have.

Those exams you’re worried about? No one cares as soon as you get into Uni. And then, once you’re in a job, no one cares. By all means achieve the highest you can but it’s a temporary thing. Enjoy it, but don’t imagine that it will be of lasting relevance.

At 15, I was planning on doing medicine so was doing a lot of science subjects. I don’t regret that, though I do wish there had been room for me to pursue art as well.  Of course, I ended up becoming a librarian, so my science degree, while useful, has largely been unused due to the trajectory my career has taken. I was pretty proud of getting the first in English that year.

I wasn’t a sport oriented person but I did join the school choir. My advice to 15 year old Penny is to do the subjects that bring you joy.

I look at the names on the class lists from my year and there are at least three fellow pupils that I know of who have passed on already, taken too soon. One in particular was somebody I found hard to like. I wish I’d been kinder to them.

1989. 

This was the year the Berlin Wall fell, I remember the excitement about this because of the hope it brought into the world.

The internet apparently came to NZ although I didn’t see it until I went to library school. Dad did buy a second hand Apple computer that I started to type my assignments on. 

The Tiananmen Square massacre occurred but I don’t recall this event registering with me.

David Lange was the PM of Aotearoa, but had to resign due to health, replaced by Geoffrey Palmer.

I got my learners license this year.

The Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu is removed from office, tried and executed. I remembered this one because not long after this the stories of Romanian orphanages became news and a number of New Zealanders sought to adopt them.

Two Swedish tourists go missing and are found murdered in Coromandel.

The education reform ‘Tomorrow’s Schools’ was implemented causing many changes that affected the education of my generation.

All my photos from this period are at my parents place at the moment. My mum is making up an album for me. This one is from 2 years later when I was 17/18. Shoulder pads were in, hair pushed forward in a pointy centre (mine never stayed up) and I was hopeful about the future. What followed was 4 years of disappointment, existential self exploration and ultimately a lot of growth through struggle and heartache. I sometimes mourn the loss of that innocent enthusiasm I had. On the other hand, I have a satisfying fulfilling life so really have no complaints. Just a lot more compassion for my youthful self.